Getting Over It

Everyone grieves in different stages, at different times.  Some longer than others.  But I am growing weary of those who want me to be completely done with my grief.  I cannot. I will not.  And I won't allow anyone bully me around it, either.

Think about what you are asking me to do when you say, "Get over it!"  Or "Enough already!"  How could one ever request a mother to get over the loss of a child?  Get over putting a child they've carried for 9 months into the ground? Get over never touching, seeing, holding, hugging their flesh and blood?  Get over the most horrid nightmare a parent has?  How does one ask that of a mother?

I cannot get over it.  My grief will live for as long as I am alive. It's not about getting over it as much as it is about learning to live life with it.  I'll be the first to admit it is the most difficult thing I've done...am doing. I am not a role model of how to deal with the loss of a child and I don't claim to be.  But I am not the worst person either.  I am tired of being judged and bullied for my grief and depression.  I assure you all I am doing the best I can.

I find strength in love. Love from my children and family.  And there is still so much work to do.  I haven't accepted the fact my loving son is not with me.  It kills me to this day.  It is a thought that never leaves me...ever

I ask for a bit of understanding as a tear rolls down my face, or when you hear a sniffle.  Just a hug or two, or maybe a "It's ok to cry."  Not made to feel I am a horrible person because I do cry in public or have horrible grieving days.  I am human and a mom.  A mom on a terrible journey. I am learning I am not alone. But if you are a by-stander, please have a little sympathy.