Tuesday, May 29, 2018

And The Beat Goes On...

When I bought my house, Harrison was excited about his room.  He painted his walls a beautiful blue and hung his favorite soccer and girls wearing bikinis posters up on the walls.  It was a typical teenage boy's room.  After Harrison's death, his room became a place to sit and feel his presence.  It was peaceful, comforting, quiet and all Harrison.  

After a couple of months, his youngest sister moved into the room. She did not change a thing in the room, but added a few of her own touches.  Even the posters of girls remained hanging above her bed and she did not even bat an eye.  The constant reminder of her brother filled her heart with love and joy.

Just the other day, 4 years later, she came to me and asked if she can now remove the posters of girls.  With a smile on my face I said, "Of course, baby."  Inside my heart sank a little. 

My piece of Harrison, however small, was coming down.  What he once touched, manipulated, placed, thought about, contemplated...gone. It hurts now as I write the words out.  

But what I have learned on this journey is that our hearts, even with a hole, beat on with the love we share for Harrison and each other.  He would want us to continue on in life.  Not that we forget about him, but we live on in his honor, honorably, lovingly, happily. Some days it is extremely hard and some days it just flows like it is natural.  

I am proud of my littlest one.  She knows her brother does not live in those posters, his memory is not in those posters.  He is in her heart.  And removing those things from the wall doesn't change the incredible amount of love she has for him.  She's only 10 but yet posses such wisdom and knowledge.  

My children are my heroes in life.  I learn the greatest lessons from them. Never underestimate the power of love.